Double Espresso
by literallywhat
Summary: General Hux got an intern, and he can't fire her, no matter how oblivious she is to the politics of the First Order. Slightly crack!fic featuring a bewildered, just-out-of University intern named Ava, a temperamental Kylo Ren, and Millicent the Cat. pre-TFA AU
From the journal of Ava Green:

 _4/17: New job! Let's go. Ship's called the Finalizer-but I'm not going to be intimidated before I even get on board. I can take this Finalizer, whatever it is, and I can deal with whatever General I'm working for. I arrive later today, I start work tomorrow, and I can do this._

 _Transport rides are ridiculously dull._

 _On board. Troopers running around everywhere. I feel out of my depth. Someone's going to show me to my apartment. I wish they would let me find it myself. I'm a little afraid to meet anyone._

 _Turns out I am not allowed to wear a dress around here. Emphatically not. It's "unseemly." The trooper in the silver armor said so when I passed her. For that matter, I "should avoid anything floral and/or not black." What a regulation._

 _4/18: The General's name is Hux. He likes to yell. Not_ at _anyone, precisely, he just really likes the sound of his own voice. Especially when it's amplified by the fact that he's yelling. He dislikes me strongly. That or has a categorical hatred for anything that smiles. I'm not sure which yet._

 _He also dislikes Seventy X-Wings_. _They're not my favorite, sure, but they're decent and almost everyone can agree on them. Except him._

 _He showed me around. Apartments, training ground for the troopers, meeting rooms, people working on intelligence operations, strategizing, the guns, the bridge, et cetera. Apparently_ this _is a standard star destroyer. No color, no green, nothing growing, nothing impractical._

 _Update: I should not talk to anyone with a dark helmet. He's now told me this about twelve times._

 _4/19: He also dislikes coffee._

 _Oh, more paperwork? Do I have to?_

 _The General keeps calling me_ Lieutenant Green. _He doesn't seem to care that my name is Ava_ _. Or that I'm not part of the military. At all._

 _4/20: He also dislikes four-twenty jokes._

 _And more paperwork. Force, what is this job?_

 _4/21: I have met an unholy terror named Kylo Ren. He's terribly concerned with making sure his grandfather is proud of him. I'm not sure who that grandfather_ is _yet. He says Darth Vader, but that's got to be an exaggeration._

 _Update: he'll destroy an entire control panel at the drop of a hat. I now know why I was advised not to talk to him. I hope I never take the place of that control panel._

 _The general likes tea! He still seems wary of me, but he likes tea! I wonder if we could ever be friends._

* * *

"She's driving me insane, Phasma, and it's only been four days."

"Who?"

"The new intern. Where did he _find_ her?"

"Come now, she's just out of school. And I met her, seemed nice enough. She can't be that bad."

They were walking along one of the Finalizer's long halls after a long training session with the FN troops. This was about as private as it was going to get midday, and Hux was taking the opportunity to confide in his captain and best friend on board.

"She. Is. That. Bad."

"Then why keep her around? Why not fire her?"

"Because my father recommended her when I mentioned that I needed an assistant, and she is _outlandish_. I can't believe someone so unprofessional ever graduated from the University. Therefore, I'm assuming she's a test."

"So what? What do you get out of it?"

"The satisfaction of knowing I proved my father wrong."

He was immediately tempted to change his mind when she bounced up to him on the bridge holding a tiny porcelain cup in one hand and a stack of papers in the other, with her hair down, and _his coat_ over her shoulders (which was far too large and most unbecoming, he might add) and, as if it couldn't get any worse, a small ginger cat under her arm.

"Lieutenant Green, I see you still have no concept of rules. And if you've decided to adopt that cat on top of it you can think again."

"Nothing of the kind, sir," she said with a curt shake of her head. It was clearly an affected shortness, and it didn't suit her at all. "I found her."

"Where did she come from? And why are you wearing my coat? And what are you drinking around all these computers?"

"Force only knows, I was freezing, double espresso," she said, and then she grinned. It was a genuine smile, perhaps even a likable one, but there was something terrifying about the fact that such an open look could exist aboard a star destroyer. "You want one?"

"How many times must I tell you I despise coffee? Now what are we going to do with it - _her_?" It was visibly difficult for him to say that last word, for there was also something terrifying about the fact that a tiny orange cat could exist aboard a star destroyer, not to mention the fact that it matched his hair perfectly. As in perfectly. As in, it could probably sit under his hat and no one would be the wiser.

"Well, I've named her, so clearly I can't just abandon - here, hold these a minute." She held out the stack of papers to him. He flipped through them while she let the cat down, but it didn't leave as he expected. Instead, it walked over to him and began meowing loudly.

He had to admit she was thorough. She might be gut-wrenchingly cheerful but he had to give credit where credit was due. Everything was done, even the repair reports for the various things Kylo Ren had destroyed last week.

As last week had been a bad one for the knight, this included five computers, countless droids, a TIE fighter, and Captain Phasma's oven. Phasma, who refused to eat in the cafeteria for fitness reasons, had been relatively upset about the latter. Hux, who rather liked the First Order's data intact, had been relatively upset about the former.

"Should I even ask?"

"Millicent."

"That's a terrible name, and we're nearly late for a meeting."

She quietly told the cat to stay put, and began following him, still wearing his coat.

It did not stay put, and instead wandered into the room behind them, unnoticed. It was a very informal meeting, not even held in a conference room but in the sitting-room of General Anderson's apartment.

Millicent remained unnoticed for about the next half hour, while Hux sat quietly tuning out General Anderson, who was discussing the next system they should attempt to civilize. He was all for these missions, but he didn't understand why they had to be discussed in such elaborate detail. Ava, meanwhile, was looking more disturbed by the minute.

"You realize," she whispered from her place next to him, "civilizing can very well be another word for conquering?"

"Maybe with the old Empire. _We're_ actually bringing civilization. Trade. Wealth. Opportunity."

"Are you certain of that? I've heard - strange accounts.I mean, have you ever been on one of these trips?"

"That's for the troopers," he scoffed.

"Have you ever considered - "

"No, Lieutenant Green, and you shouldn't either."

That was precisely the moment that the cat hopped up onto the conference table and Ren began shouting his head off. The words were somewhat unintelligible under the helmet, but things were clear enough when he ignited his blade. So much for making any more progress today. Things could - and did - only go downhill after Ren pulled his crossguard saber.

Naturally, Ava grabbed Millicent and ran to the first door she saw, only to set her down outside the apartment and run back in, but being inexperienced with Ren's tantrums, he had to pull her out as a huge chair went flying right for her head. Impractical girl wasn't only ridiculous, she was a danger to herself. He had to be clear, it wasn't care for her that made him move so quickly, but the knowledge that Snoke would be quite displeased if he harmed an intern.

"What were you _thinking?_ "

"What do you mean?"

"Ren hates cats!"

"I didn't bring her in there! Not to mention that's his problem! It shouldn't be ours!"

"But it is. You have to learn - "

"Learn? I've never known anyone like this before! How was I supposed to know he'd start smashing things because of a cat?"

She was clearly trying not to show how shaken she was. He could only tell from the way she gathered the coat about her, as though suddenly colder than she'd been before. He felt a strange pride at her resilience, another woman would have been crying by this point. He'd been at a dinner party once, and his ill-chosen date had panicked when the knight began to rage at something. It was something no one liked, but he admired more the ones who took it as a fact instead of a terror. Even though it kind of was a terror.

That pride vanished when the cat began pacing around him again, and instead of removing the infernal thing, she looked at him with a strange humor in her eyes.

"I believe she likes you."

"I believe you should learn to be careful, Ava."

 _A/N: Ok this is such an experiment but I couldn't resist Millicent the Cat, and a human to go with her. Please comment if you read!_


End file.
